got it from
http://funnysayings.webs.comIf the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business... didn't they see it coming?
Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?
Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If a word is mispelled in the dictionary, is it mispelled?
And if it is mispelled, how would we know?
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
If you are dialing from a touch-tone phone, Why do you call it 'dialing'? -Ziggy
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from, morons?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
If "poli" means many, and "tics" mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does "politics" mean?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Why on Earth, with over 3/4 of our planet covered by water, don't we call it 'ocean'?--Ziggy
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be wise to: "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these people? Why don't they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while delivering the mail?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
What's another word for Thesaurus?--Steven Wright
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Why is it that when trasporting stuff on a car its called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a ship its called CARgo?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
If two wrongs don't make a right, then how come two negatives make a
positive?
How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If you set to work with a knife that will cut through anything and Tupperware that's guaranteed not to break, what happens? *
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? *
How did a fool and his money get together? *
How do they get deer to cross at the yellow sign? *
Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo? *
When an elevator is overloaded with passengers who is criminally responsible? *
If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? *
What do little birdies see if they get knocked unconscious? *
If you are in a vehicle going the speed of light, what would happen if you turned on your headlights?*
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic? *
Could it be that all those people dressed up, wearing sheets, aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?*
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? *
If someone with multiple personalities robs a bank who is charged with the crime? *
If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds? *
Is atheism is a non-prophet organization? *
Why do scientists call it research when they are looking for something new?*
If a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat?*
Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?*
Why do they call it rush hour when nobody moves? (User Submitted-Thank you!)*
Why is it when a door is open it's ajar but when a jar is open isn't not adoor?*
Why is it we call people liars, but we never call anyone truthers?*
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? *
Subject: Funny Sayings 
Sun Nov 09, 2008 1:09 am
